So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
