Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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