remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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