Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
