Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
