New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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