Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
