Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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