Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
