my phone needs a breathalizer
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
