what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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