can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
