You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
