I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
