i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
