literally had 100 drinks last night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
