Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
