Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
