Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
