i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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