Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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