i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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