Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
