see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need a beard to bite.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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