I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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