This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
