she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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