my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
