It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
