So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can I color on your dick again?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
