omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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