He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Floor bacon is actually really good
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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