I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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