Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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