it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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