Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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