theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
