pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
