My hand turned me down
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
