mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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