What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
