how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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