when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
