oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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