So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
