i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
