It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
