miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
