im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
