and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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