in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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