I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
