Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
