I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize