There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
