so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
barbara walters just said penis...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
