dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
