if i can run in heels then i can drive
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
