I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
