I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
