Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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