Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
