why didn't you poke me back
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
