yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is an emotional support booty call
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize