; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
