Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
