This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
