Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
