I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
